Such is life as a man

For centuries men have been getting the raw end of relationships. Since we neither have to endure the rigors of pregnancy or the pain of childbirth we’re forced to pay a long and painful penitence. While pregnancy only lasts nine months, our suffering and mistreatment goes on for a lifetime.
From the time a man gets to the age where the opposite sex matters it’s an uphill battle. When you’re 16 years old you quickly realize that you’d better earn enough money sacking groceries to pay for dinner for two. When you’re taking a pretty girl to the movies you’re expected to pony up for her ticket and yours. On top of that, you have to pick up the tab on the popcorn, Cokes and other such robberies at the snack bar.
For this reason I made sure I dated skinny girls that didn’t want to eat the jumbo tub of popcorn. Skinny girls didn’t get that way by eating $25 worth of junk while watching a romantic comedy.
Paying for your date is just the tip of the cash flow iceberg. When you find a girl you want to keep for a while it gets worse. In order to ensure that girl will show up on your wedding day you’ve got to buy a ring. And not just any ring, you’ve got to buy a certain type of diamond that’s cut to a specific shape. On top of that you’d better get one that is bigger and more expensive than the one her friend just got.
During the engagement people throw these nice parties “for the couple.” Don’t’ be fooled guys; they aren’t doing this for us. They don’t have these gatherings for the groom, they’re all for the bride. They make you dress up in a shirt and tie acting like you’re having a good time. They shower the couple with gifts, although none of them are really for the groom. You get a bunch of fancy dinner plates you’ll never get to eat off of and if you’re lucky you get some nice steak knives.
For some reason the bride does not have to give the groom anything to seal the engagement. It’d be nice if the groom got an engagement 4-wheeler or a set of really nice golf clubs.
When the father gives away his daughters hand they’re usually smiling because they know that she’s out of his pocket. He gets a better grip on his check book while the groom figures out how he’s going to pay for the rest of his life.
My wife really isn’t that big shopping or spending money. Nevertheless, there are still times when I have to come off the cash. Women’s gifts are always more expensive than the stuff men get. Jewelry costs more than a tie.
Women even have a made up holiday so they can get more stuff. It’s called Valentine’s Day. I understand Christmas and I don’t mind too much getting out my wallet for my anniversary. But I just don’t understand Valentine’s Day. Do I love my wife anymore on Feb. 14 than I didn’t on Feb. 13? It’s just another great ploy for us to spend money on those we love.
I’m thinking about starting a new holiday called “Man Day.” It’s for men and by men and only manly gifts should be purchased. And don’t going saying Father’s Day is the same thing. Mother’s Day cancels out Father’s Day and most the time you don’t get something manly on Father’s Day. A leaf rake or a new weed eater is more of a honey-do gift than something manly.
I just need to find a good day to set up Man Day. I’m guessing somewhere around the first of August. That gives you a big enough gap between Christmas and it’s right before the start of hunting season. This gives you plenty of time to practice with your new shotgun before the start of dove season.
Getting a new national holiday isn’t an easy thing, but since most of the decision makers in Washington are men it should catch on fast. Just sit back boys and wait for Man Day to rolling around in August. After all, nothing says love like a 12-gauge pump.